The initial wave of anything always takes you by force. It seems though even when you know what you are up against the things that you have defeated once before often are just as difficult to manage time and again.
Today I can feel the chemo beginning to take effect. My mouth is forming a layer of dying cells and the flavors of a few nights of chemo are beginning to really create an aftertaste of just sweet chemoliciousness.
However the most noticeable change I feel is the physical depression that accompanies so much cell death. There is something about the destruction of so much in your body that leaves you in so many ways just spent. In a few days my white blood cells and red blood cells will no longer exist. Neutrapenia is the goal of these doses, and we are on schedule for the fallout.
Other than that the biggest thing on the docket today is the lumbar puncture (LP). This will be a procedure in which a long needle will be placed through my inter-vertebral space in order to gain access to my spinal canal. From this they will aspirate a selection of the Cerebral Spinal Fluid (CSF). In its place Methotrexate will be inserted so that it can fight any potential cancer in the brain fluid. Once labs come back from the sample it will be determined how many doses of this treatment I will need.
You will have to forgive me for my lack of zeal this morning. The Lp’s are of all the procedures in the hospital, the most dreaded for several reasons. It will take some adjustment to this new found physical state to really feel quite settled I think. At any rate there is goodness abounding. I am so grateful for the excellent care I am receiving from everyone here. I also take solace in knowing that the most difficult of the procedures and other complications in life will get taken care of in a 24 hour period. Granted I will have several of these but this one will be behind me and us quite soon.
Also I am excited for the return of my love. She is just days away from joining me in this battle and not a moment too soon. Pray for her safety if you will, and also for the condition of her heart. Those that know her know of her beautiful soul and ability to care. However with this the burden will be something new to manage. I am so grateful to her and for her and know she can rise to the task.
Alright, well I am beginning to dose off but wanted to get this off. I hope whatever it is you are working on today, you will find confidence in and the strength to overcome even the smallest of things that beset you.
Take care and Have Heart- c
