I thought today it appropriate to give some words of what has been going on and try and relate to you my gratitude for the steadfastness of a no less than remarkable team.
A little over two months ago the words came “relapse, 50 percent count, transplant”, and so on and so forth. As I think about the days that unfolded after those first few phone calls there are obviously moments where it would be impossible to not remember the attached feelings of sobriety, dread, initial fear and as to the meaning of the timing of all things.
However these are not the feelings that I find myself talking with Anna about, sharing with the nurses or docs or with you, because while they were a part of the process they were not and are not the defining moments of my path. Rather I have thought about the way in which each of you have held me through this. That as I have come to you with my experience, you in return give back to me beauty. From words, prayers, stem cells, or just physically holding me while I have shaken in pain, you have been there in any way that you could to support. I cannot say there has ever been a time when I have ever felt such love from so many and I have to say in it I can only sit here today and give thanks to an all loving God who knew and knows what it is exactly that I and each of us need.
So what will happen next.
The past eight weeks have been riddled with days and weeks of chemo, reactions, and planning. Since April I have been on a path of remission preparation, and finding a match. I have to say for as grueling as chemo can be this trip has been really just better travelled. Better company, much better life circumstances, a stronger team and a more confident patient. Remission was reached by may, my sister has been found to be a perfect match and all of the spinal fluid has been clear. All of the prep, the work and the foundation has been set, and We are here.
This week has been the final destruction of my bone marrow via 13 doses of full body irradiation. This is the first of 3 methods to create a successful transplant. In just a few minutes I will begin my premeds for the largest dose of chemo given at one time. it is the dose that generally takes a couple of weeks to fully administer but it will be given in a 4hr shot to make the greatest impact on my system. By Monday I will not have an immune system, the marrow to recreate one properly, and then we will head into transplant on Tuesday. The process on Tuesday is another transfusion and I fear the hardest is on my sister Erin, who will have to have a port placed and various other injections to boost her cells. While she will be the first to tell you this is not the biggest deal or that of course she would do it, I pray she knows that in being my chance for a survival, I am more grateful than she will ever know.
So once all three steps have been performed, it is as they say where the odyssey begins. Every case, and patient are different but for all a year commitment for rehab is the minimum time frame needed. I could sit here and tell you of all the reactions, other diseases, and possibilities of what may come but it would only I fear dishearten. What I have figured out is this. For the past few years my body has not been able to do this whole survival thing on its own. While for the next season my body will be under the greatest attack of all, I have the chance to not just continue living but to live with more hope more love and more knowledge than ever before.
And so we are here. I am sure I have riddled this blog with so many prefaces, and explanations but now is the time. I thank each of you again for your consistency, I pray to continue to have it as my companion. I thank God for the miracle of marriage, for the Love He has for me and the life He has given me to fight for. I pray for Anna, am renewed by her love, and am so grateful for her choice to be share in this with me. And to all of you that carry me, I pray that you are able to find the peace that I have. I pray in even in this I may remain as steadfast as the loyal here.
Thank you for everything, and as always: Have Heart, C is Still for Chad Not Cancer!
-C
