a year ago i layed in a bed in at Stanford gripping tightly as a hand drill was used to dig into my hip bone. as the blood oozed from the wound and as the doctor repeatedly got stuck and had to start over i thought of the long journey ahead and how along with the pain i felt in ways already i could not explain, that one day i would not lay in pieces. that one day i would stand and not waiver on any level. while today my cells are still augmented and challenged by chemotherapy i do not find myself in pieces. i do not lay in bed surrounded by blood, vomit, or covered in IV lines. Today i stand tall, I stand for me, and i stand with the strength of thousands that know of the same horror of facing death and smiling in its awful existence. today i continue to live with the knowledge that this time is precious, this time is God given, and this time, Its MY TIME! While some journeys are not completed by there markings of Remission, some battles are. While the chemo is not over, the terror of wondering everyday if i will survive is. The hours laying in bed crying in fear, the shaking on the floor and praying for death as a way out are no more. My heart is filled with sorrow for those that still find themselves called to this horrific trial, and i pray to God that they might have the success and strength i have found in Him. But for today just today November 29th 2008, and every November 29th to come, i will Rejoice unabashedly. i will cry out to heaven in thanks and know that I am heard That i am watched over, and that I Chad Hickey am still Here and Still Alive. My only hope is that on this day i might live as mightily as those i have learned from in my darkness. the ones that have gone before, the friends, and patients that have succeeded in their own battles, and who never succumb to letting cancer take from them more than their bodies. May God grant me this serenity is my hope, and my prayer is one of thanks.
