MARRIAGE IS WHAT BRINGS US TOGETHER TODAY

The day the dream came true. Yes to any of you that are still wondering if chad ever stopped throwing up or ever was able to get out of the hospital, he did. In fact he got out in time for us to get our marriage liscence the day before, not even the morning of. He got released on Thursday and drove to fresno and got to the county clerks office at 4:15. We thought they closed at 4:30 but apparently they finish at 4:00, after a few nice words, a very concerned look of a bride to be and a guy that should have still probably been in a hospital bed. We left with smiles on our faces and a signed $49 piece of paper that allowed us to fulfill our wish. (don’t get me wrong I always thought when wishes were granted that it all happened at the snap of a finger and poof! It was done) that didn’t happen for us, but it was even better. The people we loved pulled together and planned an amazing party for us, we got to go to the most beautiful place in the world and get married for not just time but for eternity (and no that most beautiful place is not fresno…sorry guys, but the temple.) the ceremony was amazing we got to be surrounded by  some of the people we love and I got to kiss the man I love in a place I have always dreamed of kissing him in, no not a dark car or the top of a mountain, but in the house of God, after we promised to be true to one another and support one another in this life and in the eternities. He looked liked shredder with his mask but I never have been happier.   If you want to see pictures check  www.kilean.blogspot.com

ENGAGEMENT

This free scrapbooking design created with Smilebox

WE'RE ENGAGED

Engagement

So we have decided to tie the knot! Yep it’s true. (I’m writing this after the fact, but will write it as though my name is still Anna Puzey.) I am really really bad at this but I will attempt to tell you about how Chad proposed, which time you may ask. Probably the 765^th, if you would like to know how he asked other times, I will let you know, but we consider this the “real” one…whatever that means. When I first met Chad I did something for him that actually as unselfish as it seems was also a huge thing for me as well. I have a bucket list, well actually more than one, but one of things that is listed on it is to fold a thousand paper cranes. I had waited and waited and multiple times attempted to accomplish this and well, it never worked. I met Chad the beginning of October 2007 and a few weeks later he got diagnosed. As soon as I found out I made the decision that this was the time that I would do that and so I started to fold. And fold and fold. I sat in class and in church and pretty much everywhere and folded. And about 2 and a half months later I finally finished. I sent them to Chad for Christmas with if you know the story of Sadako , along with the attached wish.

Time passed and I never knew what he wished for. But I found out this week. I found out that during all of this fight against cancer, Chad never wished that it would go away…at least not with this wish. But that instead he had help onto it. Chad gave me a box which inside had a silver folded paper crane. One that he had apparently been holding onto for a long time. It was the one that held the wish. He gave it to me and told me that his wish was to be with me forever, that it didn’t matter how hard we had to fight, it didn’t matter what life brought us or how hard it was that his wish was and always had been to be with me. To his I am sure disappointment I didn’t cry but my heart burned and leaped as I knew that that had been my wish from the beginning as well and it didn’t matter how un ideal the situation was we both got what we wanted and both of our wishes had come true.

Another Good Note

                I watched the video again this morning of the good news and feel that my expression is not the best representation of how I really feel about everything.  I love that when I write I can put the nausea away, I can sit and focus and allow my heart to be without the ever presence of the physical things that would threaten to change it. 

                At any rate, it is a sobering thing to know what is to come with the transplant.  There is no shortage of reason to be anything less than afraid.  However with this, today I have every ounce of courage a man could have.  Just three weeks ago I checked in for an induction phase of chemo.  Sure enough it has been nothing more than life threatening and challenging on all kinds of levels, but I am still here.  Not only that but the momentum of surviving yet another section of this story and coming out with more than I started, gives me even more strength. 

                This next time will be a time of rejoicing.  I still have several doses of chemo for my brain and my cells.  I will be doing them here at the hospital and from clinic.  Today however the docs came in and told me though I will still need to be monitored closely, but that I am able to leave the hospital.  Er visits and clinic visits will be on a day to day and as needed basis, but know this.  3 weeks ago I came to the hospital with the unknown of treatment ahead.  I came with a body full of cancer, again and I did it with the strength of all of you, the presence of angels and the hope of a good woman.  Today I come out of the hospital nearly 20 pounds lighter, without hair, and with a different cellular count.  But today I COME OUT CANCER FREE AGAIN, holding the hand of a Great woman, and with the un doubtable continued knowledge that God has a plan and we are all a part of it.  May we all be so blessed as I am this day.  I pray in gratitude, I give my thanks to each of you and I look forward to the miracles to come, even at the great cost of faith for each of us. 

As always Have Heart-

                C is still for Chad-

what has been going on-

              An update on the day to day here in week 2.5 which is a little more busy than expected.  The following is a list of the medical issues and complications.  Then there is a little bit on how I am doing- 

5 day period:

A typical reaction to counts dropping-  2 days in bed with the inability to sit or stand…. Inconclusive battery of tests.  Have recovered for the most part-

Normal neutrepenic nasty feeling …  sick daily, but definitely manageable.

The sinus infection has caused some reactions, a cough that has kept me well aware of the necessity of narcotics  

Your run of the mill Throat and Mouth sores.

Hair-  …. Gone (I know its been gone for years )

Vincristine reaction-  morphine 3x daily for GI pain

Multiple fevers from neutrepenia.

4 or 5 chest x-rays

Several Ct scans

Platelets dropped to 11-  reds 23- (many transfusions-)

Anaphylactic reaction to a platelet transfusion. (could scare you all with the details, I am grateful for a  competent team and blessings from heaven.  2 hours of fighting for air- never more aware of the fragility of life-)

Bone Marrow Biopsy -  2 holes  1 bent needle…. And a large sample.  (Team Did a Great Job)

                   So all of that has its place, but what I have experienced this week has far more weight than the bits of drama.  This week had plenty of reasons to be down, frustrated, scared, and well,  just not thrilled about any of the prognosis.  However I have to say this week was a great week.  You have to understand though some of these things were new and difficult, I am not unaware of the existence of these particular setbacks.  With this said, I spent plenty of this time dealing with the realistic side effects which can be grim, but we all must so that we can feel the power of what is really occurring in and around us-

This week I had the sobering opportunity to experience many events that either move you forward or make you question all.  My heart has grown and in the weakest moments when even laying still seemed an impossible task I found the support I have fill in the darkest places and settle my soul.  There are moments daily when, while I know why and what I am doing, it remains a challenge to harness the necessary courage to take the next step.  It is no different for anyone in a situation that challenges their ability and threatens all that they know.  However, I have found myself in these moments of seeming terror with a new resource of strength.  I find that when I am at my lowest it is the time when I call upon the strength of each of you.  Every note, call, message, and prayer are what I go to when I am scared.  I have messages from so many of you that while I may not respond to, have that power to lighten the load, and allow me to move forward.  The gratitude I have is immense.  I hear these comments of how inspiring my experience is and cant help but feel as though the inspiration is really found in the outpouring of love from all of you.  I watch patients here handle far greater disease with far greater composure and pray for such strength.  Until then and continually, I am grateful for the belief, the faith, the dedication and for you joining me in this great journey.

                I will post later the results of the Bone Marrow Biopsy.  We have come a long way in just a few weeks and I look forward to the victories and news to come.  I know that in this there will be many weeks like this, challenging ones.  I am grateful I can share the low points and the high.  I am grateful that with everything that is going on, Cancer has its place, and for each of us we have the ability to let cancer or whatever it is that besets us, to only be what it is, and Nothing more.  I am grateful that Anna has helped me keep this focus, and continues to be a great link to peace.  May we all be so blessed, I pray each of you can feel of the greatness that is being poured down from heaven-  I will post a video update soon-   C is Still For Chad-

-Wed