the year

              It is possible that in and through all of this I am more lost at times now than ever before.  In case your joining now for the first time I will confess now that the direction that this blog is going to take is elusive even to me. 

              It is often that I find myself in the situation that is a flurry of activity with great noise and where monitors scream and pulse rates seem to pause mid beat to allow for my heart to sink.  Temperatures flare and blood pressure drops.  Lists of emergency medicines are rushed to my system as the resgular onslaught of the full meal of pills is put together for me in careless fashion.  At one point my palms would sweat and as blood or vomit would drop from my body.   I would audibly release prayers and promises to a listening party in hopes for strength or change.  Now however this scene of emergency is so commonplace I just find trying to focus on the next step is my only move in this place.  Stay conscious, or try to remember every possible reason for how it was I arrived here.  Even at times going to lengths to try to contact that last loved one or three that I in this periless time cant but think about.  Did you know that when you cry you salivate?  I only bring this up because as it were in these instances at one point I drew upon tear glands that in conjunction with their operation, signaled to my own saliva glands to do the same, and now in the time since the eyes have been drown in tears, my mouth still acts without its companion.

                 

              I have been rushed to the emergency department  eight times since January of this year.  All were followed by admittance and treatment for various infections, viruses, bacterias, and cancer related problems.  From February to June the longest time I spent away from those white walls was ten days.   I have lost the function of my tear glands and am now headed for blindness.  The transplant has taken up arms against my skin and since march I have been lathering with either a thick layer of Vaseline, aqua fore, or zinc oxide, and leaving applied at all times to 90 percent of my upper torso.  There has been significant muscle loss along with vision changes that has made movement difficult.  Several new medications cleanse my palette as I now travel weekly back and forth to san Francisco to do a treatment called photopherisis.  With port in use and blood manipulation via light I find my Tuesdays much less filled with tacos but more so piled 6000 dollars high on a tab I pray to never see.  The time split is siphoned just one more way by sleep.  The changes in skin composition, and med concoctions take me to delirium and sleep for at least one third of my conscious existence. 

              This is the current cost of being alive.  I pray daily that my heart finds solace in this transitional hell.  I have been blessed by the accompaniment of others in my travels and as I lay bedside have found on many occasion friends taking the time out of their lives  to hold my hand and through their hidden tears we have been able to remember other times.   The more frequent inquisition now is a timid but gnawing and persistent question of will you survive this phase, how long do you have, are you in pain?.. and so forth.  I try to be honest with others but as I do I feel myself wanting to lie to me.  In the past five years of ups and downs and downs I have been put to the wall and asked to climb.   From 4 week daily chemo courses that leave your body torn, your mind exhausted, and your spirit worked, to the long term damages wrought by chronic illness, there have been many things to work through.  Im not sure if it’s the lack of muscle in my legs, the scar tissue that now covers a good deal of my body including my face.  If it’s the diminishing vision I have that seems to correlate to a deeper meaning of really seeing my way through this.  Or maybe after five years of climbing, 4 cancers, a bone marrow transplant, 13 places ive lived, countless treatments, and departure of physical abilities, my life expectancy shortened drastically, the loss of a wife and several friends  I may just be really tired. 

              At any rate the plodding along will continue.  The gratitude for those who accompany me in this endeavor will never diminish nor, unfortunately will my need for strong support and love to continue.  I just hope that as the next wave of difficulty prepares I am able to find the inner resolve to not let it be my final wall.  That little access to the energy left inside that does not know failure. 

              As I said before the direction at this time of this blog is undecided but very much from the center of me which I believe may end up being more telling of my struggle than at other times.  Maybe those facets of my story have not had their place with me their telling and in that I may find space for more.  This is my story in a late style of me.

Fresno Cancer Survivor Network

The hardest part of so much of the past several years has been saying goodbye to good things. Time in the sun, outdoor sports, many dreams, plans, and securities are just some. However loosing friends through this battle seems to be the hardest of all the losses.  From personal friends to family, I will say the loss of anyone to cancer or just life I suppose; is  something that does add an aspect of sobriety. 

I have watched many fight a glorious battle only to be called home amidst the fray, never able for themselves to see the victory they may have sought.  It is this place of observation that I write today.   I am grateful continually for the unparalleled support, love and compassion that is given so generously to me.  My body continues to amaze not only doctors, but me and I still continue to fight.   

Even after having lived through several treatments and having had many complications I feel inadequate in my attempt to express what I have been observing as of late.  These experiences and time spent with cancer  have left an impression with me of what cancer Survivor’s here in the valley are in need of.

The Fresno valley is in no way unfamiliar with the term cancer, and yet for the day to day, the rehab and the outpatient-clientele, post treatment survival is seemingly more difficult than need be.  Even socially the network for any sort of normalcy seems underdeveloped and in much need of some cohesive strategizing.

Fresno is filled with amazing oncologists, radiologists, and cancer centers.  With that fact remaining, many patients like myself find treatment in other cities or have outpatient treatment here.  When this is done, the day to day survival and regiments are more than straining on both patients and family.  Months and years of treatment can continue and the life of the patient continues onward (at times) without much outward guidance. 

If you found yourself living in a larger, more funded city, if you will; there are a myriad of rehab infrastructures and facilities.  Not to shine any sort of bad light on the current care here in the valley, but in larger areas with broader demographics of specific diseases, there is obviously a drive for more assistance.

What I am getting at is seemingly simple from the outside, but I believe with the attention and care of many, could become a more complex and very reaching organization. Insurance companies including state and federal have had to cut back on much needed post-treatment for cancer, including surgical, chemotherapy, and radiation patients.  While there are obvious reasons for many cutbacks it does not do away with the great need for many that is unmet.

The great thing is that even in the economic quandary we are in, many are more than willing to help with their time, services, and more.  From practitioners, to business owners, health advisors, exercise instructors, physical therapists, rehab specialists and other professionals, there are many waiting to assist.  While insurance companies would define these as “luxuries” I am sure most would agree any help is help, and many things are needed that are not covered.

The problem can be as simple as a monetary issue but so often there are so many limitations to those just finishing treatment or for those in chronic treatment.  Signing up for a gym membership, using money for extra support like physical therapy, yoga, massage and other alternatives for those going through this struggle, is a not always a feasible option.

Over the next several months and in conjunction with several local charities and businesses the Fresno Cancer Survivors Network (FCSN) is hopeful to be able to help aid in connecting providers to patients in this meaningful way.  This will be as stated before, a conglomerate of local business owners, charities and professionals engaged in an effort to create a Network for those coming out of treatment for varied types of cancer.  The goal is to provide free or at least affordable options for many services out of reach to those in need of the assistance.  Our foundation is designed to facilitate those connections, do the research, marketing, fund raising, and gathering of resources and bringing them into one center.  We are a volunteered middle man if you will.  The organization is lead by several professionals with experience in varied areas to add to the patients success. 

 I personally don’t know anyone who hasn’t had a close relationship with someone either currently fighting, a survivor, or who still holds dearly the memory of someone who fought till the end with this disease.  I’d scarcely say that anyone could.  I also know personally the difference having not just the knowledge that people are concerned and involved but seeing the manifestation of that through service and kindness, IS life changing. 

To this end, The Fresno Cancer Survivor Network is hoping rally Heart and Energy!  I have personally felt from the readers on my blog and hundreds of others, and know that on a plane of some sort of equity, being sick or watching those you love sick takes more from you than you could expect.   So, together with that boundless heart and energy, lets give back for those that have lost and would continue too.

So as you are thinking of what you can do to help think of those around.  Think if you felt terrible what might be a source of refuge?  Money is not the end goal here, rather safe activities and places of refuge, things to help people reconnect with health, in any way possible.  We want to have the ability to connect the dots from discharge from the hospital and fear, to hope and acceptance into a community ready to aid in the road less traveled (rehab).  

If there has been anything learned in my short four years of life in and around  cancer, it is that we are all uniquely connected.  Sometimes we just don’t see it, and with the Fresno Cancer Survivors Network, maybe we can start to at least to feel it.

We are looking for, *and not limited to*

Personal trainers

Gym Owners

Massage Therapists and Instructors

Yoga instructors

Psychologists

Social Workers

Medical Specialists

Trained rehabilitation specialists, (speech therapists etc)

Support Group Trained Specialists

Local Business Owners

Investors

Athletic sponsorship (if Nike can do it so can WE)

Graphic and Web Designers

Hospitalists

Cancer Centers

*really anyone who can bring something to the table, we will put to good use

Whether it’s a donation of time or resources we can and will find a person deserving of the effort.  From hours given in yoga or meditation instruction to gym days, or hours of design or even therapy sessions, many of these are key to a quicker or more sustained recovery.  THINK, BRAINSTORM, and SHARE your ideas or resources.

Our Website will be up shortly and will have information on events, fundraisers, patients, and the success of many.

            If you question the success rate WE have achieved (and I do mean you and I) at all- please feel free to read my blog, meet me in person or any other person who has struggled with this in their life.   The gifts given not only change the person but are able to inspire much more than you will ever know.   It is the grace shown to me through this journey that our organization hopes to be able to generate for many others.   Thank you for your time, as always thank you for your love and concern, and remember it does not go unnoticed.

While C is for Chad, today it is for Change, and as always C is Not for Cancer!

1 Year Out Transplant

I wanted to make a list, for myself so that I might remember the setbacks of this year.  To assess where it is that I am now and how it is that I have gotten here. 

The following is what I have been working with for the past year.

Last year it began with my hero, my friend and my brother in this great fight Donny Querin being called home.  Within weeks of his passing I found out my cancer was back, and worse than it had ever been.  The need for a bone marrow transplant was made and I was back in the hospital, uprooted in just 3 days.  During this time I was trying to comfort my (now) sweet wife across the world, and explain that while I was just 3 weeks shy of completing a 2.5 year treatment, I had relapsed and we were to start over and the odds of survival and quality of life, at an all-time not great.  Instead of a proposal with promise all I could offer was the hardest physical trial of her and my life, and that was just to survive.

I began chemo immediately and through much prayer and heartfelt decision my wonderful anna came home just a couple weeks later.  We were married just days before I entered the hospital for the most intensive physical assault I would ever undergo.

The following happened.

-Induction Chemotherapy (those pics of our engagement,  I was throwing up between shots)

-1 week of full body radiation (1 year ago today, I started. Possibly the most terrifying process yet)

-The max dose of pre chemo for a transplant my (supple) frame could handle

-The bone marrow transplant (very peaceful process, a calm before the storm if you will)

-Mucositus (mouth and throat sloughing, you remember the vids) I remember the 14 days of no food, and - pain pump.  I remember 50+mg morphine in 12 hours and still the exquisite pain left after.

-Lumbar punctures, bone marrow biopsies

-Anaphylactic reaction (lungs closed, Emergency response team called) glad they sure are good!

-2 port procedures IN and OUT (out was 95 min with a scalpel searching through my neck, finally the port         

    was cut into pieces to remove.  Really wish I had taken pain meds)

-A Pulmonary Embolism (very very blessed it did not just take me)

-5 months of at least 5 hours (usually 7) in the bathroom and still a good 2.5 a day

-Fingernail, issues (basically had ingrown nails permanently for 3 months

-An onset of “severe” neuropathy, requiring more pain management to walk than I ever thought possible

-The nerve damage and loss of muscle between thumb and index finger (its used for ya know buttons,  

    picking up things, massage and of course pinching)

-3 month staff infection with Boils on neck head face and ears….(and procedure to cut staff out of eye  

    lids) thank goodness eyes  were swelling shut…. For a few hours a day for 2 months.

-GVH Skin- full body rash, sores, tightness

-Diabetes battle over 450 for over a month

-Drug interactions

-Steroid withdrawal  (pain loss of energy, depression)

-Weight gain  27 pounds in 30 hours…our 1 day honeymoon (fun ambulance ride to sf)

- Excruciating pain for months

-Lack of energy that was stifling

-Loss of bowel control many times in public

-Vomiting profusely even till the day of our wedding

-Flesh stripped off feet. (oh you saw the pics, RIDICULOUS!!)

-Hormonal and drug coaster that cant stop

-A cane, then wheelchair. (then stickyhickeys)

-An  IV for 8 months in my chest with daily injections

-Daily injections of needles (I even give them to myself now)

-Now more long term radiation nerve and skin issues arising (GVH)

-6 moves in one year through all of this

- Maybe worst of all, watching Anna have to see and experience all of this.

-Still knowing with all the treatment the numbers are still not great, there are inherent side effects of this  \

 treatment,  like a very high percentage of several other cancers, not being able to Ever go in the sun  

 again, without precaution, Chronic Gvh issues, and the knowledge that there are only a handful of

 survivors past 30 years.

And after I look all of this I just sit here and the tears flow.  If you get anything from what I write or my experience know this.   This list; these things, they mean nothing.  They are the cliff notes of a journey.  The tears that fall now are not of sadness or of pity or of any of that.  I am just so happy so grateful.  I am so glad that I am still here.  I am more aware now than ever that I am loved and watched over.

I know that God is CONSTANTLY aware.  Everyday that I get to wake up next to Anna validates what has come what will undoubtedly come in the future. 

            I don’t think there has ever been a year that I have been so blessed.  I have dreamed my whole life of being with a woman like Anna.  I used to have this thought that someday things with my body might just be ok.  So now 3.5 years in, I don’t necessarily have that in the forefront of my mind.  However despite my physical weakness, walking, sun exposure or immunity issues, I feel more free and able in ways now than ever before.  I wont lie to you and say its really Ever easy, or even seemingly do able.  But I can say without any reserveation that this life I have, these feelings, the gospel in my heart, and the Smile I feel from above, IS worth EVERY thing on that horrible list. 

And while it may seem that I have a rough road, I am very aware that there are so many around with a harder fight.  I watch often at a distance, and am just humbled by the fearless smile these warriors have despite the literal hell in which they reside, not visit, but live.  Donny, Alison, Jorge, Jacob, Kevin, Jane, Brian, Becca, Kriztina, John, Priya, and so many others, you are my inspiration.  Thank you for being relentless for giving Cancer no chance at taking your strength and for continually showing me how to do this.

And to my doctors, nurses and caretakers: there will never be words to express my gratitude for the continual health that you enable me.  Thank you for all the extra work, energy and love that you put into my care.

May each of you know that even in the smallest measure anything you have done to help me through this is remembered,  Every prayer, message, drive to sf, or rallying around my beautiful Anna, is thought of continually by me and still helps me push through the darkest of times in treatment.

So 1 year out from radiation and transplant now more than ever remember

C is Still for Chad, Not Cancer.  

And a special thanks to

The Chad Hickey Foundation

The Lazarex Foundation

The Andrew “POOH” Foundation

The Stuart Moser Foundation

Lymphoma and Leukemia Society

Team in Training

1 Year Victory: Chad III Cancer 0

I awoke without sleeping.  Its strange how in those times when you know that a storm has returned to take everything, rest is not really an option.  There is a jumpy sensation in your nerves and a sickening feeling I cant describe, that holds you in every moment.  You try to sit like this, try to rationalize, understand or at least make it work, and nothing.

And then the phone call comes, and the world shatters again.  The bubble breaks and you are left broken crying, trying to understand.  There is no stomaching the fear, there is no holding in the terror.  What Cancer didn’t quite take from you before is now threatening worse than ever.  And not only that, you are quite certain you won’t have the strength to do it again.  A year ago today I sat with a dear friend and talked about the real possibility of not being alive in a few months.  Leukemia was back, more aggressive than ever and chemo alone would not work.

I could write for pages to try to explain to you the feelings the fears and disappointment I had, but it would not convey my point.  Everything I had worked for, every pill i had taken for 2.5 years, and the months spent living in the hospital; what was it all for?  Had i lost everything?

These were the thoughts I had as I stood holding myself rocking back and forth.  I had just spoken with the doctors, and it was clear to me that my options were very limited, very difficult and this time the cancer held little regard for anything.

I will tell you now, for me I felt done.  There was nothing innately within me that could have propelled me into this hell again.   And then as i sat staring up at 11 long, the wing i had fought from, nearly died in, and learned the most important lessons of my life from; I remembered.  I remembered the love offered, the prayers rendered, the examples set by those fighting every day for the same freedom, and i cried.  It had been the hardest path i had ever known, and yet the things i had learned, the people i now new, i loved. 

And now more than ever i had someone to fight for, the chance to have her forever was just within reach. 

I felt my soul being tried to its core, and i just prayed that if i would have faith, that throughout the pain, the planned physical torture, and the unknown, i would be comforted. 

so we began...

3 more months of Intensive Chemo

5 days of full body radiation

The Eutopicide treatment

The Bone Marrow Transplant

14 days of mucositus

A pulmonary embolism, and Months of Intense GVHD

And now months of limited movement, pain, an inability to be in the sun, drug complications, infections, diabetes, steroid withdrawal and so much more.

I would be lying if i said any of this was easy, or remotely fair. 

However i will say while this has been the most difficult and trying 12months i have ever experienced, i have been more blessed in 12 months than i thought i could be in my life. 

 i have been so loved, and cared for this year by so many.  the heartfelt concern and commune to above in my behalf i have felt every day.  i know that i dont deserve nearly this treatment but am so grateful for it.

i married Anna, and with all the unknowns in the world, i have a beautiful constant one that will eternally bring me joy.

And I am aware now more than ever that I am Loved, that God is watching, and will provide.

if your just reading this for the first time or you have been following for 4 years, know that even in the most physically difficult time of rehab i have ever had, i am joyful.  i am grateful, i am blessed, and throughout a literal physical and emotional hell, giving up is not an option. 

Thank you for your prayers, your love and your ability to lift me on the days when it truly impossible to do so myself.  Thank you to my doctors and caretakers.  And thank you to my sister Erin and her ridiculously strong cells; while they rip me apart, I am alive because of them. 

I don’t think i could have ever been as grateful as I am today for anything until i lost everything.- 

Have Heart, C is still for Chad-

6 months

It is hard not to feel some days like I have dodged a bullet.  While I look at those around me that continue to suffer I can t help but feel continually more blessed than anything else.  The past six months have definitely been challenging in ways I would not wish to battle again.  I witnessed, felt, experienced, and have learned things that honestly I pray to never forget.  The price has been great but as I sit and think back I am overwhelmed by gratitude, by strength and even now as I am in post transplant rehab, I cannot help but just smile and cry.  I think of the fear, the sadness and the weight of the knowledge of prognosis and can t begin to tell you what a fight this has been and will remain.  I am more tired than I have ever been, I am less able to do many things than I once did and yet, in this there is such triumph.

Months of fighting, weeks of treatment, Days of inexplicable pain, hours of hell, and moments of not being sure if I was to make it, and yet I am still here.  3 cancer diagnosis, a week of full body radiation, every chemo you can imagine, a pulmonary embolism, diabetes, steroid withdrawal and a bone marrow transplant, and yet I am here, my body may be broken or not as it once was, but neither is my spirit.  What is there to lose?  What is there to fear?  It is clearer to me now what little any of these thoughts can do for myself or anyone.  I have watched and been blessed to spend time with patients in this course that have the worst odds imaginable, the darkest of probabilities and yet they walk the laps of the halls of 11 long with the power of God shining right through.  I count myself blessed just to have been able to be surrounded by the giants, who on the daily probably have no idea of the strength they give just by continuing on. 

There are no promises only hopes for what is to come in the next few years, but I am grateful with everything that I am for the Teams at Ucsf and the Teams at home that have buoyed around me for so many years now.  There really is no way of ever showing how grateful I am, I mean how do you say thank you for your life.  How do you express what it means to reflect on the days of diagnosis and relapse and explain to someone that on your worst day and in your darkest hour, their presence made a difference, the difference?  If I figure out how I will let you know, but until then I will remain grateful, eternally conscious of the gifts given to me by those around.  I pray that others that should ever embark on a journey as this are as guided and rallied around.   

Oh and in case you still don’t believe in miracles

As of late 2010 the Chad Hickey Foundation has been incorporated and soon will begin being able to help others in their fight against cancer. 

Thank You and as always

Have Heart

C is Still For Chad

To be Involved in the Fight

Facebook Link

The Raffle

Chad Hickey Foundation Website

100 Days

I have struggled to find a way to update this blog about the past 100 days.  As I sit here thinking of all of the twists and turns in the past few months I am amazed by many things.  But how do you convey to those around you, that are your support how grateful you are and amazed that you are still alive and yet can in the same sentence tremble at the current situation and prospects of a life so uncertain. 

I guess the way I have come to is this; there are two stories of this tale.  I cant help but feel so victorious and blessed to be alive.  The past 100 days of transplantyness have given many brutal attempts at beating me.  I had no idea what gvh would feel like, and it has proven to be something, while continually shifting is continually a struggle.  A pulmonary embolism that had every potential to end everything, but didn’t.  Drug induced Diabetes, from all of the medications and daily injections of all sorts of things, has been a new twist.  But I will say the most intense has been this steroid withdrawal.  Somewhere between excessive swelling and the fact that even walking has become a painful thing is a difficult transition.  I have always had a respect for those who have chronic pain but until now did not quite understand what it really meant. 

However then I look back a bit further and realize some things.   The chemo radiation combo I had just before the transplant is the most aggressive prescribed.  When I look at what my body has been through I am amazed and so grateful to still be here.  To still have such love from those around me and to have a life that while I generally feel worse than I ever have, continues to be a great life is amazing to me.

So as I look forward to the next years of rehab and introduction of these new cells, there is both power and trepidation.  I cant believe how strong the body can be and I pray that with time I will again regain some of the strength I once had.  I will say I do tremble as I think of the next stages of further steroid withdrawal and medication changes though.  The acute GVH has transitioned to a chronic GVH and will be treated now and maybe forever.  And for the next long while I will still be immune-suppressed and vulnerable. 

But I guess it comes down to this.  While I have never experienced the intensity that I do now, and it is a more difficult and a more painful climb, it still is the same climb.  As I look back I have seen many paths like this.  200 days in the hospital, chemo, relapse, operations, its all the same struggle.  But I want all those that read this to know of the importance and power that those who stand by in support are.  In the beginning I found I could do more alone, and now find it is through the strength of others that I function.  From small steps daily to the hours spent dealing with a tormented stomach it’s the knowledge that its not just me fighting that keeps me in it. 

                Anyway it had been some time since I have updated, thanks for the love, the prayers and the support.  Below is a link to the Chad Hickey Foundation.  Jared Vawter and other Co Founders are in the process of creating something to not only help me but to come to the aid of other Leukemia Patients in Need.  Please check it out and see the progression.  And as always Have Heart, C is Still For Chad

http://www.chadhickeyfoundation.org/

The Outside-

hello friends-
i hope you can forgive my latency in this post.  Friday will mark just about a month from my hospital release.  it has taken me to about now to get things in order and catch my breath if you will.
I wish even as I write that I could convey the awful fear that I wrestled with about transplant.  With the odds, the guaranteed factors and the bleak outlook given by the actual guidelines of the treatment I could not really go a day without several tearfilled moments of trepidation.  I share this so that I might explain the events of the past 6 weeks and while in so many lights while this could all seem so tragic, or painful, the real beauty is how how I am still here, how I feel and what I have experienced.
I think of these beautiful moments in my life and now have a very powerful grouping of new events that I can add to the list.  I remember walking with a sort of resolute peace into the hospitlal to begin this.  Accompanied by my brother one of my best friends, and the father of one of my heroes I could not have gone into battle with a better escort.  With the prayers and messages from so many the thoughts and love of all of those I know, I could not have been In this predicament with more support and honest caring behind me.
And with all of this support and faith the time i spent in transplant was nothing short of a stream of miracles.  i will say that in the thick of it, mucositus, abdominal pain and the general onslaught of transplant reactions were close to as bad as i had thought they would be.  the biggest reactions were a complete frying of my adrenal glands and a severe case of mucositus (sloughage of the lining of the gi tract).  my sisters stem cells took very quickly and with ferocity.  this is a very postive thing but for the time being has left me with an acute case of Graft vs. Host disease in my stomach.
now you can see all of these things and take it either way.  for myself i emerged after 6 weeks from an ordeal that i have feared for 3 years would not allow me to function again.  that through it i would dimenish in more ways than i could manage.   and yet today just 7 weeks out, i am making progress.  i can feel the love and the miracle it is that i am not only still here, but feeling for at least a few hours a day like me.  the gvh is painful and difficult, the thoughts of the pain in the hospital can be a hard rememberance, but the feeling i get when i can sit with my wife, friends, or just feel the breeze roll through our apt is worth every moment spent to get here.
so the next while-  tuesdays and fridays i spend the day at the hospital clinic.  i get blood draws to check all the levels in my system.  im on about 25 pills a day and some iv magnesium at home and over the next few months the GvH will be the target of treatment.  from that point the immunosuppressants will be tapered and we will see just what the immune system will do in my body.(this is the Chronic GVH stage).  until then anna and i spend our time enjoying what we can.  from art, to building new projects, to visiting with friends, we are blessed to be able to enjoy many things.  at some point we will be able to have more contact, but i am still very immunosuppressed so visitors are welcome (just be healthy).  and when we can, we will spend more time in fresno.
this time has given me so many glipses at life, i cannot express the gratitude that we both have for the abundance of love, and energy spent in our behalf.  to have walked and continuing down this path i had assumed it would be a darker and a more fearful place.  it is nothing less than the hand of god that has kept us from this and i am grateful in every step for it.  thank you again for your love and support-
have heart-
c is still for chad

Ki and Hugs and a game of scrabble!

Jeff and Chad

Erin and I ( ported and ready to go)

Last Day in the Hospital

6 weeks indoors... First Stop- The Ocean

first week out (last month)

Jeff and Anna about to RIDE